just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
