Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
