Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize