Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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