fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
