When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
