Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
