Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
