so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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