just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
