I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
