Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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