Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
