Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
