is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
