I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
