awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize