Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I love you. Go after that dick
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
