I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
