I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
