you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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