Welp...herpes.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
