Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
