i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
