Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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