It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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