had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
