just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
