at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
sex in a hospital.. check
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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