i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
