I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
