Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
