Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
