I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
