Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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