I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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