Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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