I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
