What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
