she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up under a house in Key West
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