Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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