yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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