I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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