You surviving the open bar?
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Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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