I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
