The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize