How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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