Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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