That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Welp...herpes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
