just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There r osticjed everywhere
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
