I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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