You just made me feel so damn special
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize