there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
