It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
