Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
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