I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
