i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
