Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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