is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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