After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
