i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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