Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
