OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
