god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
