I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
