the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i came on her dog
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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