my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
