I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Found the puke drawer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize