Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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