Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
