Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
