alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
