I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
