Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
