now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
