She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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