hell yes lets make some ravioli
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
