Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
