he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
