He is such a slut. More and more my type.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
