Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Pants 0. Shit 1.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
